NOTE: This is somewhat adult, unless you are 16 or older, you should not be looking at the stuff there. I am not a doctor and nor is this something most doctors say to patients for free. I should also point out I am all for condoms and other forms of protection, buy them and wear them every time. That is not relevant if you want kids or are in a relationship where you know for a fact protection is unneeded.
The following is that of my own findings, includes a small bit of opinion and other tidbits of information I have found interesting as well as others I have spoken with.
In this world, relationships are based on four major points. These points signify the type of relationship you have and what may be missing, if anything.
These are placed in the most common order in which they occur for most people. I should mention steps can be skipped and things can simply be ignored. It all just depends on who you are and how you work.
Physical – Plain old attraction of the flesh. Some people just like what they see.
Men in many cases like women with larger busts, others like larger bottoms and then you have some which enjoy both. This is not excluding the basic body structure. After those aforementioned, men move on to notice if the lady is slender, buxom, tall, short, etcetera.
Women are in many cases a bit deeper, they notice a men face more often then the body, but then they move on to notice a man’s bottom and basic body structure soon after.
Sexual – Hot, hard and in most cases fun! If you see someone and it causes you to become sexually excited, then you have touched onto this point. This is actually the easiest and most common point of this relationship “square”. You do not even have to be physically attracted to them, it could be the raw desire for pleasure.
Psychological – It is another way to say their mental situation. Does this person act like someone of their age? Do they seem to always want to know what you do and where you go? Do they seem to match your intelligence and interest you intellectually?
These are things of the mind. What do you want in someone you are involved with. Most people say they want someone who is intelligent. How many people do you know say that they want a moron as their partner in a relationship?
Emotional – Nothing more then feelings. Do you feel at ease talking about them with your partner? Do they let you know when something bothers them.
Most men find it a lot easier talking to women about how they feel then what is stereotypically known. A lot of men still just keep it to themselves and release it later by getting into a physical confrontation.
Women on the other hand find it easier to talk with other women. Most women were raised to think men would not care to hear how they feel. In a lot of cases that may be true, but there are still a few men who do not mind listening and giving a shoulder to cry on or a bit of an opinion here or there. Just watch for people who will take advantage of someone with low self-esteem because of an ended relationship.
I should explain to you this order. It starts as yourself being somewhere with other people, strangers, friends or otherwise. You look across the room and notice someone who meets your idea of a god/goddess. At this point you become sexually aroused, your mind basically imagines you and this person together. You and this other person meet up and have a relationship. Time to talk, you learn he/she challenges you mentally. You both seem to see eye to eye and have many things in common. Finally, you have a situation to speak how you feel. You show him/her your love and feel confident enough to share other feelings with that person. In many cases this leads onto marriage. Divorce is usually the result of one these four points being dissolved, this is why you try to cover all four points.
A while back when your parents were young, this order was somewhat different. It was usually physical, psychological, emotional and then sexual. The times have changed a lot, but you still have a few which occur in the order of psychological, emotional, sexual and physical. These are usually people who meet over the phone or internet and still had yet to see each other until after a lot of communication.
You can have just one point by itself, sexual is the most common. These usually lead to the good old fashioned one night stand / casual sex situations. There are people out there who have sex for the sake of having it because it may be fun.
Only being physically involved with someone usually means you have a poster on the wall you like a lot and that is most because you wish yourself to look that way or be in a relationship with someone who does. It is really rare to only like how someone’s body is built without any other attachments. It is just hard to explain because people associate physical relationships with sex, which is not really what it is. In many cases people think an overly imaginative and fully energetic sexual relationship to be physical, but as I said, you do not have to like how someone looks to have sex with them.
You can have a psychological and emotional relationship, those people usually remain good friends and maybe later build to a more involved relationship, but it does not usually happen on its own, well unless your life is written by Aaron Spelling.
I am not going to tell you that a long lasting relationship can not be made without all four of these points. If you and who you are involved with can live off a purely sexual relationship, go for it! I can tell you without at least one of these points you have no relationship, that is a given.
If you come to me and say I have a stamp collection and he/she likes it as much as I do, where does that fit in to this square. I will first smack you upside the head, then tell you collections are something you do as part of a psychological interest. You just have to think about what categories things fall into, it is not that hard.
Now in closing, I should repeat what I said at the beginning, but if you did not read it, then do not blame me. Move your browser back to the top and read it now!
If you do not like what you see, then do not come back. It just means you do not like my version of the truth. I am not forcing you to read it, this is just something which helps me explain things to others who need a bit of help in relationships.
Comments From A Reader
With the psychology of attraction, everyone is at a certain level of what they deem themselves as in regards to physical appearance. Those people tend to look for people who are at their own level or above in short, a Brad Pitt really would not think much of physicality with a Molly Mcgee from small town with ordinary looks and such.
There is an attraction template for these people, each of which is at its own level with that person. If you are within a certain radius above or below that bulls-eye in the center you would be considered an acceptable mate. We do not do it unknowingly, it is just natural selection going its course.
Ideally, it would be a world where people look at one another for what is on the inside, but in reality that comes second… “ALWAYS” (except if you’re blind). You see them first and subconsciously you decided whether they fit on your level or close enough to it.
- Torry Crass